if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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