So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
