you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
