3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize