I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
