His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize