Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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