The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I have post one night stand depression
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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