Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
