How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
