Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
