i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
