Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
