The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
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