ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
