You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
