Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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