Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
