so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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