The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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