You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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