dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
