you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
