WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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