you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
