thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
