so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
