He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
