He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
