Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
