I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
