dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
