This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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