i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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