My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
