my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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