Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i love accidental penises.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
