Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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