it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
