Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize