hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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