i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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