A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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