Your face is a jimmy john
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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