I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
