hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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