just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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