what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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