He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I have aggressive nipples.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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