if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize