Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
