it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
