If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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