What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
