That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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