u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
