Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish š
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him āBeast Modeā. So. Many. Orgasms.
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