I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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