I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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