Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
