just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
