Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
