she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
