Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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