Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
