I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
