ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
