just come out here and I will go home with you...
People in love make me want to vomit
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
