T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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