scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
